A Judge to His Prisoner

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood when he asked the prisoner,
“What are you charged with?”
“I was doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offence”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”

Wife is So Jealous

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn’t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great, so now you’re cheating on me with a bald woman!”The next night, when she didn’t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, “She’s not only bald, but she’s too cheap to buy any perfume!”

Sell Everything to Customer

A guy worked in an adult book store. One afternoon his friend walked in. The guy said, “Dude,

thank goodness you showed up!” “I’m starving, and I need you to watch the counter for me for a few minutes, while I run across the street to get some lunch.”The friend looked around the store, then looked back at his friend oddly. The guy said, “Dude, don’t ask any questions, just sell it to em.” The friend said, “Ok”. So the guy left.

A customer came in, and went up to the counter. She said, “I want a vibrator. What do you have?” The friend said, “We got red ones, white ones, black ones, big ones, little ones and medium sized ones.” The lady said, “I’ll take a little red one to carry in my bag.” He sold it to her. Another woman walked in. She approached the counter and said, “I would like a vibrator, what do you have?” The friend replied, “Red, black or white, large, medium or small. The woman asked, “Well, what about the red, white and black checkered one up there?” The friend said, “Well, I’ll sell it to ya if you want,” so she bought it. A few minutes later the guy came back from lunch and said, “Thanks Dude, you’re a life saver. So did you sell anything?” The friend said, “Yeah, I sold a little red vibrator and a thermos.”

A Deaf Man Bet A Pharmacist

A deaf man enters a pharmacy to buy condoms and tries to explain what he wants with sign language. The pharmacist doesn’t understand anything so the deaf man puts forth his penis and 50 dollars. The pharmacist then also pulls out his penis, takes the 50 dollars and puts them in his pocket. The deaf man gets all read in his face and starts to waive violently at the pharmacist who says:
– “If you cannot stand loosing, you should not make a bet!”

 

Wife Not Wearing Bra

Husband – Honey, why are you not wearing a bra today?
Wife – I don’t know, why?
Husband – You should do this more often..
Wife – Do you really think that my breasts are so firm that I don’t need to?
Husband – No, but they are hanging down so much that they pull down the wrinkles from your face!!

Getting Sunbath on the Roof

A woman is lying on the roof of the hotel bathing in the sun. Suddenly a servant approaches and asks her to put on her clothes.
– “Why shall I do that? First of all, I’m lying on my stomach, and secondly, if anyone approaches they will still not be able to see anything because I have a towel.”
– “Yes, and thirdly, you are lying on the glass roof above the dining room!”