A Cowboy Always Do Amazing Thing

 

In the men’s bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands…clear up to his elbows….he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, “I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.”

The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, “I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.”

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, “I graduated from Texas Tech University and they taught us not to piss on our hands.

Nuns Enjoying Candy With Priest

At the Convent, there was one priest in particular that liked to fuck all the new nuns until they screamed to god.

One night he had just got done fucking one of the new nuns when he walked into the kitchen butt naked for a snack.

He had just grabbed two candy bars from a drawer, but as he was about to leave, two of the head nun’s walked in.

Not knowing what to do, he spread his legs letting his dick hang and put his hands behind his back.

The nuns walked in and thought that he was the new candy machine they had ordered, so the first nun put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick… so he dropped one of the candy bars.

The next nun did the same thing, she put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick, so he dropped the other candy bar.

They both were delighted but as they walked out, one more nun walked in. The other nuns told her to try the new machine, so she too walked over, put a quarter on his tongue and pulled his dick, but this time nothing happed, so she pulled it again, nothing, so she started pulling it quicker and quicker…

Later the head nuns asked her what kind of candy she had gotten… she replied:

“oh, I didn’t get any candy….but i got some nice hand lotion!”

Still Virgin After 10 Husbands

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”